Who needs a disclaimer?
Have you noticed how many web sites now include a disclaimer? Typically it includes a lot of legal mumbo jumbo about how you can't hold them to any of their promises and if you lose money or get killed as a result of the site then it's obviously your fault. Well, I don't have a lawyer and I don't know why I need a disclaimer. But I didn't want you to feel cheated, so here is my disclaimer.
This disclaimer should cover all eventualities and situations. If not, let me know what I've missed because I wouldn't want to leave myself open to any liability.
Alantext web site disclaimer
You must be this tall to ride this ride.
Don't try this at home.
This offer will never be repeated. I repeat, this offer will...
Do not remove this tag under penalty of law.
Look both ways before crossing the street.
No shirt, no shoes: no service.
Void where prohibited.
Not to scale.
Slippery when wet.
Do not take with alcohol.
Don't talk with your mouth full.
Batteries not included.
No animals were harmed in this production.
Any resemblance to persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.
Keep out of reach of children.
May explode if heated.
Not to be taken orally.
Sample only, not for resale.
If you have to ask, you can't afford it.
Remain seated until the aircraft has come to a full and final stop.
This bag is not a toy.
No talking to driver while bus is in motion.
Measure twice, cut once.
No substitutions.
No hand picking.
You break it, you take it.
Artist's rendition only.
May cause drowsiness.
Always wear clean underwear.
Danger of suffocation.
Do not drive or operate heavy machinery.
May not be exactly as illustrated.
Some assembly required.
Contents may have settled during shipping.
Elbows off the table.
Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.
The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true.